(Rehab) – Cenikor Long Term 2 – 2021?

It's strange, this impulse isn't to drink or hurt myself, it's to get help. But I feel so overwhelmed. I find my body moving away – anywhere – just to get away. I want to hide. I want to be alone. I was to sleep. I want to explode. I don't know whats going on with me. Everything feels so strange. I can't focus on anything. 

Alright:
This too shall pass. 
Let it happen. 
Make room for the experience and observe it.
Breathe. 
COMMUNICATE! 

My hands are shaking. Maybe admitting myself to Ben Taub [a psych hospital] would be good? Would it? I'm trying to slow down. I don't even know it talking will help. I want an immediate change of self. I don't want to feel this way. AVERSION. 

It this all just physical reaction to the relapse? I hope so. Psychological withdrawal?

Dwane [told people] to not listen to me. → that anything I say will be wrong. 
→ I do nothing but run and hide.