5/10/22 1. The sound of the AC. 2. The color of the wall. 3. The feeling of writing with this pen. 4. The “sound” of my thoughts moving. 5. Starbucks cup. 6. The feel of tightness in my chest as I breathe. 7. Constricted mind/head. 8. Judgement of doing this activity. 9. Color of objects on bed. 10. Desire/impulse to vape. 11. Bookshelf and framed degree on wall. 12. Movement of Ravenclaw banner. 13. The effect of expecting to show other people this list (how it changes what I write). 14. Desire to crack back (feels stiff). 15. Worry/nervous this page is too small. 16. Eating a carrot. 17. Thinking about Tori coming home. 18. Sound, taste, and experience of chewing crunchy carrot. 19. Worry about not finishing #18 on one line. 20. Impulsivity to engage in external activities/distractions. 21. Judgement of restlessness. 22. The cold metal of my vape. 23. Taste of vaporized e-juice. 24. Sight and feel of dogs on bed. 25. Judgement of what words to choose/write. 26. Attempt to take big hit on vape. 27. Looking around for “something to do.” 28. Thinking about Tori coming home. 29. Judging handwriting at bottom of last page (#28) 30. Sight- Faye scratching herself. 31. Thought- how long will I keep doing this exercise (Till Tori comes home?) 32. Judgement- how often I think of Tori. 33. Thought- sharing this with Tori. 34. Feel- holding vape. 35. Judgement- how often I vape. 36. Feel- unsuccessful attempt to crack back. 37. Feel- hand feeling strained/tired of writing. 38. Thought- maybe stop at #40 39. Feel- pulling on vape. 40. Judgement- discomfort of anxious headspace. 41. Judgement- I “should” get other things done.
