What’s Left?

2/8/24 – 4:10 PM

Desiring normalcy, I wish to live without these flaws that seem to chase me everywhere I go. I don’t fit in with this society of work and finance. The structure has never been something I can adhere to. So life’s not fair, there’s nothing new about that or me. Every group of humans has had outcasts since the beginning of time. Some of us just don’t fit in to the cookie-cutter society we live in. But so many do. Why can’t I be like them?

I never asked to be born. Why do I have to live? Is this even living? I wish for my thoughts to be poignant, original, and pretty so that others will approve of them. Is it really creative to just drivel out my every thought onto paper?

I’m feeling inadequate. Deeply so.

How long can I keep fighting everything like this? It feels insurmountable, like I’ll never “get it right.” What is there even to get? I’ll always be a fuck-up. I’ll never meet the expectations of others (so many others) that they impose on me and my life. Whey can’t I see a vision of what I want in my life to look like? I could choose any life I want. I don’t know if I’d ever be okay with that though. I’m already a failure, what’s left?