7/22/19 3:08 PM I'm really liking this new pen. It's fluid and very fine pointed. It does, however, make it easy to have bad handwriting. I'm gripping it very hard. I'm working on my new calendar- cataloging past and future events. I've run out of birthdays that I know off the top of my head. At least this feels useful, though I know it's not. A mediocre despair washes over and through my body- a pain I'll have to address later. As if in perfect call, I hear thunder brewing in the distance. It's quite clear to me that in my attempts at temporary clarity, I may be prolonging my own suffering and problems. The calm water pushed gently by the wind outside this library's window is strangely calming though. I look around and see so many people who appear to have it “all down”- to be “normal.” I genuinely don't know if I'll kill myself. It so often presents itself as the only humane answer. An unsophisticated solution, but a convincing one. I'm not sure I have the courage to to live. It's easy with a head full of vyvanse to feel brave and calm, but it's the off-period that's hellish- not to mention the comedown. I just got a little bit of good brainstorming down on the page to the left, but it seems like everything hinges on where I'll live next. I wonder if there is a way to get housing AND decent job.
Discover more from Conspire to Inspire!
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.