Horrible Ghost

3/18/24 – 9:39 PM

Living life enclosed between four walls 
is a suffocating and demoralizing experience.
Netflix and Zelda can only carry me so far
until I'm left wondering why I'm alive.
One can only sleep for so long until faced
with the question, “What am I even doing here?”
The hideous face of depression comes rearing
its head from every pitch black corner of the room,
leaving me gasping at the stale air for
any sense of stability or comfort.
Alas, I'm afforded no such assurances.
The persistent ticking of time tallies me
years older but offers me no such wisdom,
just a troubling idea that I don't belong.
The dreary hours counting down her return.
The static hum coming from the A/C unit.
It's incredible how shallow the world can get
when you don't have a single friend to call.
Over a thousand friends on Facebook and
an empty contacts library on my phone.
I crave purpose but constantly hasten to hinder it.
It's the hissing shrieks of negative self thought
fighting against the desperate call for meaning.
Would the world change if I weren't here anymore?
Anxiety burns through my body with a white hot brand
pressing against my pale skin, labeling me a fuck-up.
I'm terrified of the world outside my locked door.
Fear plagues my mind simply walking to the kitchen.

What horrible ghost have I become?
A putrid mist of devilish self-hatred
floating about aimlessly, hungry for
anything and everything to change 
what I'm feeling deep inside myself.
A nicotine stained mind craving a fix
that never seems to do me any good.
An attention span so shattered sometimes
TikTok is too much for me to handle.
I stomach another day with the weak hope
that somehow someday I'll change.
I would kill to be somebody else,
pleasantly productive on a daily basis.
This isn't how I dreamed life would be.
How do I conquer someone as stubborn as me?
Truly, I think its some handicap
that the doctors haven't seen yet.
I wouldn't wish this life on my biggest enemy.
At least I have water, food, and a bed.
That's right, count your blessings
and treat your mind like your best friend.
I'll spend my whole life trapped in there
so I might as well try to make it a 
nice, inviting space to be in.

LIKE AND FOLLOW THIS BLOG