Childish Wonder

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2/22/24 – 8:13 AM

The ghostly scratch of branches against the window.
Wind gusting before the storm arrives.
The trees sing a prelude of wispy scratches on glass,
Haunting these halls and my nervous heart.
Nothing is wrong save the screeching branches
which drive waves of fear and meager courage.

A couple drops of water bounce off the window,
collecting the dirt on its surface.
Safe in my house, I sit in wonder
as the rain quickly turns torrential.
My first thought: “How bad does it flood here?”
The safety and security I was living in
suddenly seems questionably dangerous.

I didn't prepare for this.  

Water levels rise around my house as the
singing tree branches celebrate their dreadful scraping.
I see happy children rejoicing and celebrating the rain,
jumping in puddles and making a mess of their clothes.
When did I lose the basic wonder of messy
fun and carefree frolicking? I've grown
bitter with the weather and simple joys.

I've never been a fan of getting dirty and wet,
I remember my friends making fun of me
because I didn't like getting hit by wet snowballs.
They said I was afraid of getting wet-
I don't think it's a fear of getting wet,
I just don't like the process of changing
clothes and drying off mud from my body.

I envy the joy and giddiness the children outside are experiencing.
My mind has been too focused on what could go wrong,
ignoring the benefits of a good rainfall.
The vibrant green of grass and trees after the water subsidies.
The quiet sound of calm and the earthy smell of nature.
The rain brings life to the world around me,
and yet I'm focused on the negative fears of water damage.

I long to be youthful and carefree, jumping in muddy puddles
and singing silly songs as the fabric of my clothes grow heavy
from the falling rain around me. Smiling and laughing in the
simple joys of merely being alive and free from worry.

And yet I stand by the window, dry and clean,
Staring out at the beautiful wonder of rain and 
the childish spirit of uncomplicated playfulness.

Why does age drain the joy of simple happiness?
When did the mundane become an inconvenience?

I hesitantly dawn my swim suit and a white shirt,
opening the door to the roaring sound of rainfall.
Stepping out slowly into the cold downpour of water
now dripping down from my hair onto my face.
The sensation is alarmingly soothing.
As I continue out into the storm, 
my clothes turn dark and heavy from the rain,
Pulling me down into an awareness of my body.
I quickly spot a mucky puddle nearby
and jump up as high as I can,
landing hard in the dirty brown water.
Liquid splashed high around me
eventually subsiding back to its smooth surface.

My heart raced with youthful exhilaration,
as a smile reluctantly grew on my mouth.
Embarrassed but elated, I jump again
into the delight of water spattering everywhere.

I walk back inside, drying off with a towel,
my heart still racing from the excitement
of living simply in joy and curious wonder.
It reminds me of the movie “Singing in the rain,”
Finding happiness in otherwise dismal circumstances.

I find it refreshing and energizing;
Grateful that I made the choice to 
relinquish my negative criticisms
and partake in the childish playfulness.

I need to apply this lesson to all my life,
Ignoring what's “acceptable” and instead
opening my heart and mind to opportunities
of simple, basic childish playfulness.

I endeavor to live my life through the eyes of a toddler,
constantly amused and learning everything new for the first time;
playing with imagination and astonishment of every fresh experience.
I need to shed the fortified walls of apathy and boredom
that keep me from easy enjoyment of mundane activities.
The judgmental wall serves no purpose other than to
adhere to social expectations and what's “normal.”

But I'm not normal, that's a well known fact.
So why do I feel compelled to follow the social
normalities, like a lifeless programed robot?
I need to relinquish my fears and find joy 
in the every day experiences of life.

The scraping of the trees against my window subside
as the storm passes away from my now muddy area.
Quiet silence arrives as the rainfall subsides.
Standing at my window, looking out at the world,
I desire to explore the world instead of being a hermit
in my claustrophobic home, watching Netflix and sleeping. 

What adventure do I desire for my mundane life?
Mustering courage and imagination, I'll begin
planning a way out of this tedious, routine aversion to change.

Maybe with a forced smile and forced uncomfortable action
I can slowly grow into a man of jolly enjoyment of life,
a man who seeks compassionate wisdom in every aspect of living.

Next time  it rains, I'm going to run out and sing songs
of happy joy and allow the muddy water to drench me.
Next time I see an opportunity to live as a curious child,
I'm going to drop my inhibitions and partake in the fun.